The Nurse Jeffrey's 14th Bitchtape
by 6cbrilhante
Summary: Nurse Jeffrey Sparkman is back to the hospital, with a big mission: seek and find the last proof to make the Board to fire House.


_**The Nurse Jeffrey's 14th Bitchtape**_

**Summary: Nurse Jeffrey Sparkman is back to the hospital, with a big mission: seek and find the last proof to make the Board to fire House. Now, he has a new weapon: Huddy.**

**Spoilers: Major spoilers from "Help Me", minor spoilers from "Now What?".**

**Disclaimer: I don't own House, MD, David Shore, NBC and Fox Broadcasting do. If I did, House and Cuddy would be together since Michigan.**

"Hello everybody! It's true, I'm back! Today, it's our last stand. I have to find the ultimate proof to make the Board of Directors to fire Dr. Crankypants. For now, I have a great new. Ok, it isn't that great, but it can be enough to fire him. Are you ready? Yes? Dr. House and Dr. Cuddy are seeing each other! What? You don't understand why this is great? Fine, I'll explain: did you know that a MRI machine has lots of uses?"

…

"Nurse Jeffrey, what do you think you are doing entering in the MRI room?" said a voice with an Australian accent. "And what do you are holding in your hand?"

"Me? Nothing, I'm doing nothing Dr. Chase. Dr. Wilson paged me to come here, he has a patient with lung cancer, final stages of the disease, the poor guy…"

"Dr. Wilson doesn't have any patient with lung cancer, he has only an eight year old with leukemia! Anyway, he is in his office. So, tell me now: what are you doing here?"

"Nothing, Dr. Chase, I'm going back to the Nurses Station…"

…

"That stupid doctor stopped me to find my clues! Of course he's just protecting his boss, but why? The man is a jackass! I can't still understand why Dr. Cuddy left the Private Investigator and, two days later, showed up saying that Dr. House and she were together! Right, I always knew she was cheating on Lucas with him! I knew… but I wasn't able to prove it… well, I have to find possible new possible crime scenes. What about… the supplies room? CSI Princeton Plainsboro, here we go!"

…

"Very well, here I am. One of my loyal female nurses said that she found strange white stains on the North wall. I'm still trying to imagine our, well, _favorite_ couple doing it right here… let's seek the proofs… Yes! Right here! This is… amazing… Dr. Foreman, good to see you!"

"Are you ok, Nurse Jeffrey?"

"Yes, I'm… perfect."

"So what the hell are you doing kneeling down?"

"My pager fell off, right behind these diazepam boxes."

"Was it turned on?"

"Yes, it was. Why do you ask it?"

"Because they need you in the OR, Dr. Richardson has to perform an emergency brain surgery."

…

"The infamous House Team rescued its 'loved' king again… And now, he was saved by his stupid black fellow, with a stupid story that I was needed to help in a stupid brain surgery headed by a stupid neurosurgeon who was treated weeks ago for a stupid disease by the stupid Diagnostics Department, which was without its stupid Head, who was at his stupid home because of a stupid crane collapse that had resulted in a stupid hook up between him and the stupid Dean of Medicine… as you can see, everything is stupid. Beginning in Gregory and ending in House. Can you see my point? Wait… Operating Room… I think we have a new crime scene in hands…"

…

"Dr. Taub… I didn't know you were here… I was looking for Dr. House… Have you seen him?"

"He's in the DDX room running a differential. Our patient will need a brain biopsy, Dr. House has just to get Dr. Cuddy's approval ant I'm preparing the stuff. Why are you looking for him?"

"Just a little problem with a clinic prescription at Nurses Station…"

"Dr. Chase and Dr. Foreman said you're acting suspicious today… first, in the MRI room, later in the supplies room, now in the OR…"

"What? No, I'm acting as always…"

"I'll keep an eye on you, Nurse Jeffrey."

"You need to keep an eye on your boss, Dr. Taub."

…

"Did you hear him? House is going to perform a brain biopsy! And for that he need the authorization of somebody… We'll catch the bitch and the son of a bitch doing it! It's our lucky day! People… how many times a day does House call Cuddy as 'mom'? Guys… Can't wait!"

…

"Look at them… a quickie in the most important office of this hospital! The silhouettes are obvious. It's now or never. Let's go!" Jeffrey entered in Cuddy's office."Caught in… action… oups…" he said, but his predictions were wrong. Cuddy was leaning on her desk, signing the forms, and House was right behind her, but there wasn't anything happening.

"Nurse Sparkman, is that a camera?" said Cuddy.

"I think the caught in action was you, Nurse Jeffrey." House added.

The nurse was in silence.

"I thought you had been suspended for the last weeks because of using cameras in the hospital premises. House, go do the biopsy. Sparkman, follow me.

…

"How could he win again? Dr. Cuddy presented my case to the HR and I was punished again. Four months of suspension without payment and reduced salary after coming back. My attempts to fire him failed again. This is my last Bitchtape… by now. And I have a new target in my list: Dr. Cuddy. See you in four months!"

…

"Leave the damn paperwork." House said to Cuddy. "I heard that the Nurse Jeffrey's Bitchtapes are amazing."

"What?"

"I convinced the HR guys to give to me his camera's memory card."

"I'm sorry House, but I have no time."

"Come on! It's gonna be funny!"

"House… Sweet sauce…"

"Damn, you know the magical word!"


End file.
